Ocean water, ocean water
What - a blade of grass?
Okay, Brad Pitt is in this.
Oh wait, now we’re watching screen savers for 5 minutes.
Huh, Sean Penn is an architect?
I guess panes of glass are cool.
Children!
That red-headed mom is pretty. She owns so many vintage dresses?
Someone died. I don’t care.
WHATTHEFUCKAFUCKINGDINOSAUR
Ocean water, ocean water
I hate Terrence Mallick
Brad Pitt is back. He is an abusive dad!
Hey kid, don’t touch that electrical socket! Nah it’s cool.
(Red-headed mom points at the sky) “That’s where god lives.”
I am leaving to buy popcorn just so I don’t have to watch this movie.
Got popcorn. Snuck into “Something Borrowed” for 2 minutes just so I don’t have to contemplate the majestic beauty of a single fucking blade of grass.
I have returned. Eating Twizzlers. The oldest kid is sad.
The best shot in this movie was the jellyfish. Or maybe that tiny baby’s foot in Brad Pitt’s man-hands.
Brad Pitt actually looks like a nerdy vagina in this movie.
They planted a tree everyone! THE TREE OF BORING
Brad Pitt went on vacation. These kids seem to enjoy sucking water out of a hose a lot. I guess they don’t get out much.
*Long break for visualization effects on an eMac*
Brad Pitt punches everyone!
More ocean water
Sean Penn remerges. He has been in this movie for exactly 30 seconds. He wears a rumpled suit and is sad about being dead or an architect or something. I want another Twizzler.
Clouds moving across a vista
*New age music while someone whispers something obscure while a mountain is a mountain or something*
Sean Penn walks on a beach
Now he is reunited with his horrible family! And some black women that I’ve never seen before.
They cry and hold each other.
More trees. And fields and shit.
More whispers.
More blades of grass. No more dinosaurs.
It is over. It sucked.
